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The Head, Heart & Hands Model {Episode 20}

Aug 03, 2023

Do you want to learn the magic of life coaching and better understand how it can help you reach any goal you have for your life? Welcome to the head, heart and hands model.

This tool is at the core of everything I teach and how I help clients better understand why their lives look the way they do, including the good, the bad and the ugly. Understanding how (and why) our minds make sense of the world the way they do is crucial to creating the results we're trying to achieve in our relationships, our personal goals and our businesses.

Prepare to have your mind blown!

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Life coaches are in the business of teaching people how to manage their minds. Just like we would never try to drive a car that didn't function properly (dangerous!) or work on a computer full of viruses (annoying!), we can't reach our goals or a create an intentional life without managing the CPU of our life: our brain.

The Life Coach School, where I was trained, teaches a very simple tool that helps us create whatever results we want in our life; it's called the model. But I recently learned a unique way of looking at the model that is a lot easier to remember and implement. It's called the head, heart, and hands model.

When we go about our lives every day, we're confronted with all kinds of stimulus; these are the cold, hard facts of life. For example, the car getting a flat tire, a child getting sick, getting a raise at work, your sister getting married, or the dishes piling up.

These stimuli enter our HEAD first, and this is where we try to make sense of the stimulus. We think thoughts about these facts depending on our past experience, how we were raised and our personality. These thoughts come quickly and are often subconscious.

Taking the example of your car getting a flat tire, your head might offer: "Of course! Bad things always happen to me". Once the head spits out it's opinion of the stimulus, then it's the heart's turn.

The HEART is the emotion that's created from the thought. Our feelings are ALWAYS created from our thoughts. Back to the flat tire example, the thought "bad things happen to me" creates an emotion of self-pity.

After the heart, our HANDS move to take action. This action can be positive, negative or even inaction or a lack of action.

The emotion of self pity might create actions like ruminating on all the bad things that have happened to you, collecting evidence that your thought is true, or taking no action to fix the tire. Finally, we end up with a result: this is the consequence of the actions that we took or didn't take and always reflects the thought or proves it true.

In the flat tire example, the result would be something like bad things keep happening to you because your brain continues to ignore the good and focus on the bad.

Recap: external stimulus > head > heart > hands > result

This model is the key to EVERY change you want to make in your life.You might call it a cheat code to life! There is no problem that can't be improved or solved by using the model.

Now that you understand this, it's easy to see why so many hacks that people try to use to reach goals don't work. ALL solutions come from our thoughts, not from changing the stimulus or the emotions or the actions. You have to start with the head.

Why diets don't work: we're only trying to change the hands part or our actions. Why divorced people get divorced again: they're sometimes only trying to change the stimulus (married to their spouse). Why just trying to love people more with sheer will power doesn't work: it's a change only of the heart or emotion.

Here are two more model examples so you can get started using this magic on your own life!

Dishes in sink > nobody cleans but me > anger > yelling, slamming doors, refusing to clean, not teaching or holding family accountable > result is that nobody cleans but me!

A friend says words > she's so inconsiderate > frustration > i don't listen to her side, I make up stories about how she thinks and feels, I get defensive > result is I'm so inconsiderate

Do you see the magic of this tool? This is the key to improving literally every area in our life, ESPECIALLY building our own business.

I'd love to show you it works in your own life; schedule a free call with me!  

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